walls come tumbling down;

i'm not quite sure if a teacher is supposed to trust their students as much as my English teacher trusts me. not that i ever take advantage of her trust, but i am currently sitting in a classroom all alone with mrs. thomas' classroom key blogging while listening to my ipod, and i will be doing this for the next hour and twenty minutes. i'm also surprised that blogspot isn't blocked by the school. i suppose it isn't half as popular as tumblr is.

since my last blog, which was a while ago, things have turned around for me. i was actually reading through all of the blogs that i've posted since the beginning of this year on here, and they are nowhere near close to describing how i feel at this moment.

to begin describing how i feel, i have to explain why i feel this way. oh, where to begin. it just feels as if i have my whole life together, as well as myself.

i am officially standing a week and a half away from graduation day; and about two weeks away from attending school at westwood college in ontario to major in criminal justice. it's a bit funny, yet annoying, when people find out what i'm majoring in because they automatically ask if i'm interested in joining law enforcement, and my answer is always no. then they give me this odd look that questions why i chose that major.

majoring in criminal justice doesn't necessarily mean that you have to become some kind of probation officer or cop; studying criminal justice leads you into a wide range of fields from going into the forensic files to becoming a drug counselor. it all depends on what you work to do while you're in college.

momentarily, my mind is set on becoming some kind of counselor for teenagers-- not a school counselor-- or possibly doing ballistic forensics. either seem great, but i would want to do further research on both to see which would be more of interest.

eagerness, excitement, and anxiety are overwhelming me at the moment. i'm excited that i finally feel as if though i have a plan for myself to have a better life than i ever had. i am nervous because a part of myself doesn't want to trust me, but a new part of me is keeping me motivated to make an effort.

i really do feel like i have this new part of myself growing inside of me as well. this is a new part of me that i don't recognize. i currently feel like i can do anything. i am confident. i feel like everything is going to turn out to be great. perhaps it's just a phase that everyone succumbs to when they just turn eighteen or are graduating from high school? if it is a phase, then i really hope it lasts forever if that's what it is.

 i will also be working with my family on improving our living conditions, as well as making an effort to buy a car for myself. we are in an urgent need for one. all of this hard work will be occuring very soon. i am ecstatic for this all to work out.