since my last blog, which was a while ago, things have turned around for me. i was actually reading through all of the blogs that i've posted since the beginning of this year on here, and they are nowhere near close to describing how i feel at this moment.
to begin describing how i feel, i have to explain why i feel this way. oh, where to begin. it just feels as if i have my whole life together, as well as myself.
i am officially standing a week and a half away from graduation day; and about two weeks away from attending school at westwood college in ontario to major in criminal justice. it's a bit funny, yet annoying, when people find out what i'm majoring in because they automatically ask if i'm interested in joining law enforcement, and my answer is always no. then they give me this odd look that questions why i chose that major.
majoring in criminal justice doesn't necessarily mean that you have to become some kind of probation officer or cop; studying criminal justice leads you into a wide range of fields from going into the forensic files to becoming a drug counselor. it all depends on what you work to do while you're in college.
momentarily, my mind is set on becoming some kind of counselor for teenagers-- not a
eagerness, excitement, and anxiety are overwhelming me at the moment. i'm excited that i finally feel as if though i have a plan for myself to have a better life than i ever had. i am nervous because a part of myself doesn't want to trust me, but a new part of me is keeping me motivated to make an effort.
i really do feel like i have this new part of myself growing inside of me as well. this is a new part of me that i don't recognize. i currently feel like i can do anything. i am confident. i feel like everything is going to turn out to be great. perhaps it's just a phase that everyone succumbs to when they just turn eighteen or are graduating from high school? if it is a phase, then i really hope it lasts forever if that's what it is.
i will also be working with my family on improving our living conditions, as well as making an effort to buy a car for myself. we are in an urgent need for one. all of this hard work will be occuring very soon. i am ecstatic for this all to work out.
life outside of this is going quite well. andy and i, i feel, have reached an amazing point in our relationship. we are currently at two year and four months, and could not be happier. it seems as if we both had some sort of reality check about a month ago when we had our last argument. whatever it was that enlightened us both, i'm glad it did. there are no longer any insecurities on my part. i feel more loved everyday that goes by. even when i don't see him. he simply is amazing. he keeps me on my feet, smiling, laughing, and grateful to be alive and to have him by my side everyday. i am the luckiest woman alive!
if you are reading this, baby, i'm sorry that i brag about you so much. it must seem that everytime i blog, i have to mention you, but i can't help myself. you truly are the highlight of my life. i love to tell the world how much you complete me and only me. you spoil me just with the attention you give me. i don't need any material things, because what i need and want i have in you. thank you for that, my love.
speaking of relationships, my family and i seemed to have gotten closer these past few months as well. this is the closest we've actually ever been. my parents are still struggling, but still remain amazingly in tact with each other as well as me. i appreciate everything that they've done for me from the bottom of my heart. through our most difficult times, they can still take time and patience to try to understand our minds of adolescence. without them, this whole family would be broken. thank you for trying to understand me, even when i'm at my most difficult stage in life.
as for my brother and sisters, we are actually beginning to form a bond that we've never had before. i guess it's all because we're growing up, but now, when we're together, all we do is laugh and make fun of each other the majority of the time. sure, we have a few disputes here and there, but nothing compared to before. i'm learning to be better to all of them. i want them all to be better than i was to each other. i want them, especially my sisters, to not be as much of a mess as i was their adolescent years.
i want them to know what they want, and to not get all caught up in their own world. i want them to not be so afraid. i want them to be so much better than what i was and am today. i want them to be secure and confident of themselves. i want them to be proud. not too proud, but just proud enough. i want them to be better than okay in life.
i'm actually excited for my sister isabel when she starts her high school years. of course, that won't be for another two years from now, but i just know that she'll actually try out for teams and events unlike i did. as for adriana, she still has a longer while for high school, but i want her to better prepared for it than i was. i was prepared about all of the peer pressure, change in environment, etc., but i want her to really be able to push herself to keeping up a good gpa without having us push her like my parents did for me. there's just so much out there that i want them to do that i didn't get to that i want them to take advantage of.
there are just so many things that i am grateful to God for at the moment. i don't even know where to begin. i'm just glad i had a few moments to be able to share this with the world. overall, i just want to say that i am happy. thank you God, for bringing me back to this emotion. now, i have so much to look forward to. thank you.
No comments:
Post a Comment