Dear Penguin;

things are going to be okay.


they will.




Love,
Panda.

a wonderful thought;

why is it that we like to entertain thoughts in my own mind about fairytale stories?
should we be angry at the person who:

• created the idea of finding a prince who's kiss is special enough to wake you and save you? 
• created the idea that once you kill the antogonist in your story, all your dreams come true?
• felt that happyness is created when you wish upon a star?

i mean, not once in these stories does an author not end their story with 'and they lived happily ever after'. should we even allow our kids to read these mad stories about a world that never was or will be? i honestly believe otherwise.

i believe that we should actually be grateful to God for allowing stories like this to be brought upon this world. especially with all of the pain, heartbreak, and negativity that's here today, we really should be grateful for ideas like these.

believe it or not, we do need them. stories like this actually bring something called hope into our mind and hearts. even if you're a male, you cannot deny that at one point you wished that you were that handsome prince who slayed the malicious witch who turns into a dragon and kissed a girl to save her; or that you even wished upon a star hoping your wish would come true. no matter what the age or sex, we all wanted to be the main characters in these stories.

and thanks to these stories, we can honestly say that we do learn a lot.

i learned that wishing upon a star won't make your wish come true in our world; but what we do have in our world is God whom you can pray to and will answer them when it is your time.

i learned that the prince that saves me doesn't always have to be handsome and that dragons do not exist in our world; but he can have a beautiful heart and mind and can help me slay my own obstacles and battle my own heartaches...

giving up by ingrid michaelson;

her music always helps me feel better.

What if we stop having a ball?
What if the paint chips from the wall?
What if there's always cups in the sink?
What if I'm not what you think I am?

What if I fall further than you?
What if you dream of somebody new?
What if I never let you win, chase you with a rolling pin?
Well what if I do?

I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on half empty glasses and
I am giving up on greener grasses
I am giving up

What if our baby comes home after nine?
What it your eyes close before mine?
What if you lose yourself sometimes? Then I'll be the one to find you
Safe in my heart

I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on half empty glasses and
I am giving up on greener grasses
I am giving up

I am giving up
I am giving up
I am giving up on greener grasses

I am giving up for you
I am giving up for you
I am giving up

you and i;

we've come such a long way.

we're simply 'inevitable'<3

iloveyou; enough said.

rehab for the non-addict.

it's always interesting for me to sit back and look at photos or reminisce on my past. and although remembering sometimes can be painful for me, it's honestly one of my favorite things to do.

almost eighteen years of my life have been completed, and in these years, i've learned and experienced more than i ever thought i possibly could. and the best thing is, i'm still learning. who i used to be is nothing compared to who i am now. maybe i'm still a bit fragile and my heart is still mending, but overall, i've grown to be who i am at this moment.

i'm not sure how to write out what i want to write at the moment. my heart feels like it wants to burst open with millions of words, but my mind is insecure about what it wants my fingers to type...

i guess in a way, i want to say that i'm happy with who i've become? or maybe i want to say that regardless of the tough memories embossed into my mind, i find it worth the reminiscing of the pain to be where i am. i feel at peace with myself. overall, i just feel happy, i guess.

i think actually knowing where i went right actually just adds onto me feeling this way. all it took was patience.

who knew that two months of solitude, depression, anger, frusteration, tears, heartbreak, and just overall pain could actually put me here? i honestly felt like i was hanging on by the finest thread you could ever find and that it could snap at any moment. i felt that nothing and no one could save me anymore. i felt alone. it's almost as if i was thrown into my own personal rehab. a mini-Hell is what it seems like when you're there, but now i feel great.

i have nobody else to thank but God for not letting me break, my family for putting up with me during this time, and andy for doing what he did for our relationship. everything does happen for a reason. those two months were the worst time that i've ever experienced, but they also helped build us as a couple. i'm not going to lie and say that everything's all patched up, but we're working on it, and to be honest, we're doing better than before. at least i believe so.

i'm ecstatic that i have plans, and i actually am absolutely positive about them and what i want and who i am at the moment. i'm still finding myself, but aren't we all? but andy... wow. he has amazed and inspired me since day one, and to this day, it has not come to a halt. and deep in my heart and soul, i know that as long as i know him, and have him by my side or in my life, he will continue to do this.

my heart and mind are in a state of tranquility for this wonderful man whom i couldn't be more honored to call mine. it knows that it is in the best human hands. it knows that andy j. would do absolutely anything to keep a smile on my face. he has proved it. and God knows more than anything and anyone how much i truly love him.

yes, we did pick up where we left off, but in a way, to me, it seems as though we're improved in our ways of loving one another. God is definitely on our side, baby. once you came back to me, everything just seemed to fall into place right after that, and the funny thing is that nothing really changed, except i think i'm even more in love with you, and we're definitely growing up. we have plans. and we're ready to put them into action. i'm caught up to you again. i still stumble every now and then. but then again, you know how clumsy i can be.

once again, i'm here, writing to you to thank you because i get all tongue-tied trying to explain this to you. thank you for staying in my life. thank you for making me complete again. i know that we had a rough year in 2009, but i have a gut feeling that this year will be better for us both. with just a little bit of love, faith, and hope, we're going to be just fine, baby love. i promise. thank you once again. i love you, lame penguin<3

<33301.08.08<333

"knowledge makes an insecure man arrogant and a secure man humble."

-UNKNOWN AUTHOR

"i've got my words; i hope they hurt you; i hope they scar you; i hope they heal you..."

i know i said that i wasn't going to start a new blog, but i also did say that i'm very indecisive. i can say one thing one minute and do the exact opposite the next. i've been told that it's a negative thing and also quite annoying that i can never make up my mind, but i don't always believe that it's a negative thing. annoying maybe, but not always bad. i've honestly run into the most beautiful things for being indecisive, and also making random, last-minute choices. so to be honest, i honestly don't care what anyone else thinks about this at the moment. you have two options.

anyhow, before i proceed my rambling on more shenanigan and nonsense, i want to re-introduce myself.

this whole thing about wanting to start fresh right after a new year is kind of corny, but sometimes we can't help to have a bit of 'corny-ness' in our lives. what would we honestly be without it?

so here i go.